i am ashamed.

i am embarrassed.

i am profoundly sorry.

what drives me to type such desperate and shameful words? simply put, i cheated.

that’s right Oblivion, i cheated on you. i’m sorry, really i am.

after 5 months staying off the water, i weakened. i answered the sirens’ call and grabbed a ride on a J105 a couple of days ago. the skipper had emailed me about an open crew spot, the weather and wind conditions on the Bay were forecasted to be exceptional and it was a holiday weekend. i couldn’t say no. nay, i didn’t say no. i jumped on board and spent the day cutting through the waters of the san francisco bay on a much younger, thinner and quicker boat.

it’s true. i smiled, i laughed, i enjoyed myself. i’m not proud.

i told everyone on board about you girl. really i did. they heard all about how beautiful you are. how well you handle angry seas. how well you sail in all seas. how you have become a real mexican beauty. how you have soul and heart and real love for your crew. after spending the day with me, i’m certain the rest of the crew was sick and tired of hearing of your virtues. i’ll likely never be invited to sail with them again. that’s fine with you i’m sure.

as always, your presence was felt. did you have to have another of your clan waiting for me in the berkeley marina? right there next to the slip we were returning to? that big and beautiful 38′ HC keeping tabs on me, reporting to you just how much i was smiling and how much care and attention i lavished on my younger, sleeker, and faster mistress. that was harsh. understandable but nonetheless harsh.

i hope that you (and your skippers) can forgive me. to paraphrase that old eddie murphy line, “i was just floating on her. i sail with you.”

not a day goes by that i don’t think of you and your crew. i miss you and am anxious to reunite with you soon. i would be lying if i told you that i won’t sail on another boat this season. i will. i have to keep my skills up right? i can’t return to your loving embrace with the clumsiness and awkwardness of a newly minted OCSC basic keelboat graduate. i can’t. i refuse to. you deserve more. you demand more. i know you understand.

until we meet again, know that i’m just biding my time with these impostors. you are my singular and true maritime love. you always will be.

-tim