Before leaving San Francisco, I thought I knew what kind of people I’d be running into around the anchorages and marinas. What little bit of experience I had on a boat was either in San Francisco Bay (maybe 30 days on the water) or in the British Virgin Islands (1 week). And to be fair, I didn’t really get to meet many people in either place. Boy was I wrong.

My expectation was that I’d meet a lot of snooty ‘yachtistas’…the guys wearing the matching Polo shirts and leather boat shoes. Gentlemen, if you will. Although I have a better word for them not suitable for this blog. San Francisco was full of super-fancy boats. Tons and tons of really nice weekend racer/cruisers and their crews. Oblivion never failed to get waves or ‘thumbs-ups’ from other sailors. She was an ocean cruising boat and looked different than anything out there. Lots of upper middle class folks sailing on weekends (albeit only during official sailing season there) and then meeting at the gentlemen’s clubs for cigars and cognac. The BVI was a different story. Every boat looked alike (charter fleets like that…it limits options and prevents people from wishing they’d rented a different boat). These boats were full of (primarily) East coasters. Successful people who just want to get away for a quick week on the water. Unfortunately, it’s too hot there to wear the sterotypical sweater tied around the neck so a complete Ralph Lauren stylin’ summer outfit has to suffice. Let’s just say that most of them aren’t people I’d care to share a Caribe with.

Jump forward to Mexico.  We’ve had the pleasure of meeting dozens and dozens of boats and their owners, beginning with the crew of Endurance on Christmas eve to Trevor of SV Nakiska, earlier today. For you, the reader, we’ve painstakingly categorized them into these classifications.

The Couple: Nancy and I fit into this group.  Two heterosexual folks traveling along in their boat.  There are three sub-groups.

Youngerish Standard Couple: These couples are usually taking some time off their jobs and have a destination in mind: Tahiti is the most common, although there are some who intend to stay in Mexico, head through the canal, head to Chile, or visit Central America.  They usually travel in smaller boats and live on extremely modest budgets.  Nancy and I fit into the group, but Oblivion is significantly larger and our budget is more grandiose than most.  Mike and Hyo are more typical, as is IO, t 28′ traditional sailboat.

Olderish Standard Couple: These couples are usually retired or semi-retired but live on surprisingly modest boats.  Generally nothing fancy here.  They’re people who have worked hard and been moderately successful.  This is a seasonal lifestyle, as they almost always have grandchildren back home that they need to boogie back to in the summertime.  Most likely it’s a 3rd or 4th marriage for the guy and the 2nd for the woman.  (his first few wives couldn’t adapt to life onboard so he traded them in. Listening, Nancy?) They guys are almost always wearing a Tilley hat and sport a white, close cut beard with either a necklace or earring.  (full disclosure: I own a Tilley, have mostly white/grey hair,occasionally a short beard, and have taken to wearing my wedding ring on a necklace so I don’t catch in on a winch but I intend to stick it out with Nancy) The women are usually 10-15 years  younger than their spouse and are usually a bit heavier.  An ankle tattoo is common, usually of a flower or butterfly.  And about 50% of these couples have a dog or cat.  When at anchor or dockside, a fully stocked bar is available any time after 4pm.  (beer before that).  Due to their commitments to their grandchildren, these couples stay close to airports (never know when one of them might do something worthy of flying home, like read a book) and seldom sail outside of Mexico. These couples usually maintain friendships with other yachties from year to year and often hang out at the same marina with the same people for several years.

HomoSailors: (if you’re a Christian conservative, a member of the Quoram of 12 Apostles, Pat Robertson, Pat Buchanen, or a member of the Klan I’m just making this stuff up. There are no gays or lesbians. Anywhere.  So don’t bother trying to discriminate any more) As the statistics bear out, a significant percentage of boatowners are gay or lesbian, although not as many as you would think, given that fact that gays and lesbians are, as a group, better educated and more successful than the rest of us.  The couples that we’ve meet have been superfantastic, although the sterotype that gay men are neater and tidier and better dressers than the rest of us is inaccurate, or maybe they just pale in comparison to me and my stylish ways)

Sailing Families: This is far more common than you’d expect, and it’s not from who you’d expect.  It’s the Canadians who are doing it! We’ve run into probably 12-15 families who are living aboard fulltime and sailing with their kids and even their dogs.  Most of them are Canadian.  It’s hard to imagine the circumstances that would lead up to an American denying their kid the quality education they’re getting nowadays.  Hell, it’s probably illegal.  But what have the Canadians have to lose? Not much, it appears.  They’re pulling their kids out in droves, choosing instead to educate them via homeschool aboard a boat, sailing around the world.  What could a kid possibly learn by meeting and interacting with kids from other cultures? What good could it possibly do to introduce kids to other parts of the world? Swimming everyday DOES NOT top dodgeball and should not count for a PE credit.  Just because you can speak English, French, and some Spanish, Chinese, and Russian doesn’t mean you’re smart! Americans: keep your kids isolated and in the dark.  It’s easier to manage them that way.  The Canadian kids I’ve met who are traveling are scary to talk to.  They’re like little adults! Go get your kid another Playstation game for Pete’s sake or God forbid they’ll turn out like Zach, Katrin, or Foster.  Cripes.

The Solo: This is BY FAR the most dangerous group of sailors.  I’d like to say you never know what you’re gonna get, but that’s not true.  You ALWAYS know what you’re gonna get: a guy who’s been aboard a 40′ boat by himself for a month/year/century and does not know how to put a cork in it.  The Crew of Oblivion is not the most outgoing crew and it’s simply because of The Solo.  One day you might be running your dinghy to shore and swing by a new boat in the anchorage just to say ‘hi’…next thing you know it’s midnight and you’re still sitting there listening to some guy drone on and on about how he tackled a wave near Pt. Wherever or how his jib sheet broke and he had to improvise and fix it with a pair of underwear and a snorkel.  And it never ends There’s no point in trying to be civil when you run into one of these guys.  If you knock on a boat and a guy comes up the companionway, ask right away if his wife/dog/roommate is there.  Prove to yourself beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s not the only one aboard.  And they’re cagey: they’ll lie.  “oh yeah, my wife’s below cooking up the dog with some turtles”.  It’s important that you NEVER TAKE THEM FOR THEIR WORD.  If you play nice and pretend to believe that someone would marry such a guy, he’ll seize the opportunity and begin telling you about his passage from X to Y…and from there you’re fucked.  So cut your losses early: if there’s any question whatsoever that he’s a solo, get outta there. AND NEVER, NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THEM IN THE SHOWER.  It’s awkward. In the name of decency, I’ll leave it at that.  FYI, there are no solo women sailors.